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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

My great uncle Babatunde

Dear David Mark 

I must first apologize for this unsolicited letter to you, but as you read it you will realize the need for me to take action on this very important and exciting matter. It may surprise you receiving this letter,  since there was no previous correspondence from me.
My name is A
lvaro Martin, a personal attorney to the late Mr. Jose David Mark,  who lived in Spain for the last 10 years prior to his death. He died suddenly along with his whole nuclear family due to the tsunami catastrophe of 2004.
I am consc
ious that it is certainly not a predictable way of approach to foster a relationship of trust but because of the circumstances and urgency surrounding this claim. Before the catastrophe he deposited One Trunk Box containing the sum of 12 million dollars with a safety security company here in Spain.
That security company has ma
ndated me to present a member of his family to make claims on said Trunk Box or the vault will be confiscated and distributed as unclaimed. So, you see the urgency of this matter.
After exhaustive efforts of search for a direct family member to my late client which came to no avail, I was given the ultimat
um to find another existing more distant relative.
I know that you may not be in any way related
to my now deceased client, but having the common surname, if you follow some of my carefully instructed advice on how to take advantage of some Spanish Judicial loopholes, the Trunk Box will be released to us. This transaction is risk free for you. If and when you contact me, all you have to do is forward me 10 percent of the said 12 Million dollars, in advance of my half of the inheritance once the final details can be worked out.
Rest assured
that I have all the relevant documents to make sure you receive the money you are entitled to. Your Uncle Jose will rest much easier and be at peace knowing the money he so carefully cherished and guarded will go to you, his sole remaining heir.

Re: My great uncle known as Jose

Dear fake lawyer guy who is actually a scammer guy in some boiler shop room operation:

It doesn't surprise me at all to receive this correspondence from you, seeing
as you send me one of these each month. I am surprised however at the amount of travel my Uncle,  who appears to do some sort of Peter Sellers impression,  did over the course of his life. Further,  I am quite surprised that the great Tsunami of 2004 got him and his family,  seeing as it came nowhere near to Spain. Wow, he has shit luck to get wiped out by that tsunami when it hit thousands of miles away from where he actually was. Horrible luck.  But hey, good luck for me, right?

When we last spoke, a conversation you seem to not remember I was under the impression that my Uncle was a tribal leader of great significance in Nigeria..or was that Kenya? I always forget that part. Maybe next time  he can be a very interesting spy,
like say James Bond? I always wanted a real cool uncle. A spy. Uncle Morty from Cleveland was a forensic accountant. Just not as cool, huh?
It seems now he died in Spain as a bull fighter of some note. Nevertheless, I am pleased that he chose me, a family member he has never met and contacted before to be his sole heir to the great fortune he amassed over the years. I guess he just fought bulls to have a bit of fun and break up the monotony. I myself, if I were that rich, wouldn't go around waving a red flag at an animal that has a huge set of horns on his head and wants to gore me, considering I have 12 million bucks in the bank.  I guess Uncle Jose didn't pass on that genetic trait to me.
In any event this is my good fortune. Praise god. The lord works in mysterious ways. As does the internet.
There is no need to meet. You can simply forward the whole 12 million directly to me.  I will be happy to send you the 10 percent handling fee as soon as this money is free and clear in my account. I assume these terms will not be acceptable to you, as in terms of your scam, this kind of blows the whole operation.
Anyway, thanks for informing me that my fictitious uncle that never existed has not died and wont be sending me the money that never was there. That is very good of you to do me that favor. 
I hope in the future that we can converse again, when that day comes when you come up with a new scam and have forgotten that you tried and failed to scam me with this one. And the one before that. And the one before that. Oh, that's right, you don't care. You didn't forget,  you just don't care. Got ya.

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