I am currently writing a stageplay where the main character has to break up with her boyfriend in order to move on with her life and her career. It is not the main part of the story, or the idea, but it is a big part of it. In this blog, I interview the character (Belle) and she answers some of my questions about that breakup.
Tell me about the breakup with Rocky. What happened there?
it was really rough, really bad, you know? When you love someone like
that, for as long as I did, it really guts you. As bad as it was, and as
much as I knew that it had to end, for my own good, there is still a very big part of me that would take him back if he showed up on my doorstop.
What brought on the final breakup?
Belle: We got into a fight, another one of our fights. I said I wanted to get an agent, a real agent. Obviously, that wasn't going to go over well. Our biggest issue was always him wanting to be my man and my agent. He wasn't particularly good at either, but he was a horrible agent. I let him ruin my career. That night, I had played a very bad gig that he booked for me. I snapped. I couldn't deal with that anymore. I lashed out at him. It got me where I needed to go, but not in the way I wanted to. That is not the way I wanted to breakup with him, or have it end. Does it ever go the way we plan it? I think not. Nobody has a plan for how they are going to bust up something like that.
Was it physical. Did he hit you?
Belle: Well, not really. There was some pushing and shoving. More about me. I tried to stop him. I was hanging on. He was trying to leave. I wouldn't let him. I grabbed on too tight. He pushed me back. I had some bruises. Nothing serious. He didn't hit me. It was never like that with us. Rocky was and is a good man. He treats you well. I have never seen him hurt anyone. He was really just trying to get away. He was the stronger of us two. I was the weak one. That was always a big part of the problem anyway. If I was stronger, I would never have let him manage me. I let him do that so I could keep him as a man. I was weak like that. No self esteem. Still am, to a large extent.
And when he went out the door, what happened then?
Belle: I cried. All night. I think I realized it was finally over. Of course, I wanted to call him. To convince him to take me back. We all go through that. For whatever reason, I didn't do that. I took some pills. Serious pills. I was out cold for 12 hours. When I awoke, acceptance began to take hold. It has been a slow
process. I have had lapses. But, I never gave back in. Took me a long
time to shake it. I still really haven't. There is a part of me, as I said, that wants to go back. But I didn't, and I wont. I know better. My mind is stronger than my heart, although my heart is still very weak. My mind now rules. When I met him, I was all about heart. I never thought about the path I was going down with Rocky. If he hadn't left that night I would still be on that path. That is what carries me through the momentary lapses when I think I want him back.
In the moment, how did it feel?
Belle: You can't even imagine. The pain in the pit of my stomach. I have been down before, but never felt anything like that. I don't wish it on anyone. I had to hit total rock bottom, and I did in that moment.
But you moved on. What was the turning point?
Belle: I realized. I am on my own now. I can't blame Rocky anymore for my career and how it had turned out. Sure, I knew I had a long, tough road ahead of me. I was older. Maybe my time had passed me by. But at least now it was up to me. I could make it happen. At least, I was going to try to do that.
Did you take anything from the whole experience and use it to further your career?
Belle: Certainly I did. I draw on the passion of that night every time I am out on stage, performing those gut wrenching songs that people come to hear me sing. Also, on a more practical level, I now never let matters of the heart interfere with my career. Business is business and I try and keep it that way.
Did he try to contact you after that night?
Belle: No. He never has. One day, I am sure we will square it up. But, it was a very bad breakup. I am certain there is still a lot of blame for a lot of things on both sides. There still is on my side, obviously I blame him for how my career turned out. I think he blames me for many things, but he has said nothing. If that came out in that last fight, I don't remember any of it. I actually don't remember much of what was said in that last fight. I may have said some horrible things. I don't even remember. If I did, I am sure he does. He always did.
Do you know what has happened to him since?
Belle: He has a new girlfriend. A singer he manages. Same old Rocky. Good luck to her. She is going to need it. Not my problem anymore. I have moved on from that part.
What have you learned from any of this?
Belle: Nobody teaches us how to break up and survive. Now I know. I learned how to survive it. You think your world is going to end. It wont. It didn't. I learned to let go. Hey, I survived. I'm doing okay. It wasn't easy. On some level, it still hurts. It was a big part of my life, for a long time, for most of my adult life. But again, I'm okay. You can't really understand that it will be that way until you go through it.