Dear Insert Name Here
It has come to our
attention, Insert Name Here, that you have not been using your full
amount of credit. We here at Nameless, Faceless Big Corp. would like to
help you achieve your goals. Well, of course our main interest is making
money off of you by getting you to spend beyond your means and then
charging you an outrageous amount of interest for as long as we can to
make the maximum amount we can off of you. We do, however, like to call
In light of that, Insert Name Here, we are here to help. Of course, we
only intend to "help" you as long as you keep paying and don't default.
In such cases, we don't care one bit about you, Insert Name Here, and we
will make every effort to make your life and every second of it a
living hell. But lets not talk about that for now.
Here at Nameless, Faceless Big Corp we pride ourselves on personal
attention. That is why, Insert Name Here, we have chosen to enhance
your life. We truly care about you, Insert Name Here.
If this appeals to you, please contact one of our Customer Service
Agents, most likely named Raj, or Singh, and they will be happy to
assist you. We realize that you, Insert Name Here, will not understand a
word they say, but you, Insert Name Here, can be assured that they have
your best interests at heart.
That is a solemn promise at Nameless, Faceless Big Corp.
Certain Restrictions apply. Please gloss over fine print and do not consult a lawyer.
You can trust us. We care. About You.
Insincerely, CEO about to be indicted by SEC