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Monday, June 4, 2012

Searching for My Vitality

Back when I was in the working world (pre 2009) I worked very long and hard hours. Sure I was tired at times but I always had energy. I could go day and night, sometimes all night and had more energy to keep going the next day. I was extremely vital.
For more than 20 years I could work as long as I wanted and come right back and do it again. I would show up at work ready to go,  from the minute I arrived until the minute I left.
Those days appear to have ended.
Now that I have the freedom and luxury to not have to live that grind I should have increased energy. Sadly, it has not worked out that way for me.
I have heard older retired people say the worst thing for them is not working anymore. They need to have that reason to get up and achieve. I still have the reason to achieve but not the energy and drive to do it.
My desire now is to get that energy and vitality back. To wake up ready and raring to go. Spring out of bed and get right to it. To get that determined work ethic back that I had when I was in the working world.
Why I have lost it I don't know. What it will take to get it back I also don't know. The drive and desire are just not there on a consistent basis. I have spurts where they come back, but they are not sustained on a daily and weekly basis.
I have always had ideas. That hasn't subsided. If anything, it has increased. My creativity has never waned. But the drive and desire to do something with those ideas and follow through has considerably waned, to the point that it gets to me.
I make plans, lists, goals. Sometimes that works for the short term, but at the end of the day, I am not getting it done. Part of that is being okay with not achieving,  which completely goes against my nature and how I have always been. When that exactly happened I don't know, but I am aware of it and have been for a very long time. When you are a born achiever like me you notice when you are not that way anymore.
So, as I write this blog and approach this week as a new start, I am now searching for my vitality and being very conscious that every minute I must get back to being the driven person I used to be.
I have thought that maybe I have to be just as driven but temper my energy and effort somewhat. I can't go all day and all night anymore. That was something I could do in my twenties and thirties, but not in my late 40's and beyond. I have to balance out my effort and energy under a new strategy. I have always sort of been an all or nothing guy, and that clearly is not working out for me anymore. Right now, all or nothing is turning out to be nothing.

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