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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Comic Inquirer: In conversation with Mitt Romney

In light of his recent statement that 47% of the American voters already will not vote for him, The Comic Inquirer spoke to Mitt Romney about when he will be making his concession speech.

CI: Mitt, rough day yesterday?

MR: Not at all, why would you say or think that?

CI: Didn't you basically admit that you have no chance to win the election?

MR: Not at all. I don't see where you are going with this.

CI: Well, you have conceded that 47% of American voters will not vote for you because they are lazy and just want to live off the system. Think it is their right to live off the system. Is that correct?

MR: Absolutely. They are a lost cause as far as I'm concerned. I have written them off and when I get in office I will just cut everything for them, so really, I don't give a fuck about them or their votes.

(Romney's "people" advise him not to say fuck. Good Mormons don't curse. He says he wont fucking do it again.)

CI: But you do realize that of the 53% that are left, half of those are women and almost none of them are going to vote for you, right?

MR: I don't care about those sleazy,  pregnant all the time hoes. They can suck it. Just suck it!

(Romney's "people" advise him not to say hoes. Good Mormons don't call women hoes. He says he is not a Good Mormon, so he doesn't give a frick.)

CI: Well, that leaves you with just 27% to work with. Of those, at least half won't be voting for you, which brings you down to 14%, and at the rate that you are insulting and alienating people, you could be as low as 5% by the end of the week.

MR:Yes, well we plan on rigging the election. Bush did it and it worked. So, really, no worries there. The 1% always wins.

(Romney's "people" advise him not to mention election rigging. That is party strategy not for public consumption. He tells them to go suck it.)

CI:So, why bother to campaign at all?

MR: I'm not campaigning. I am just out there raising money, gauging support and touching base with those I will have to give favors to once I am in. How do you think I got where I am in life anyway?

(Romney's "people" tell him to shut up and go back to saying nothing about anything all the time.)

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