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| There is certainly no confusing her with Candy Crawley |
In light of the hubbub that came along with her viral video on You Tube, The Comic Inquirer scored an interview with Trisha Paytas just in time before her 15 minutes of fame expired.
CI: Your name is Um So. Is that Korean? And are you legally allowed to vote in this country?
TP: My real name is Trish...like Fish and yes, I am legal. Porn sites say you have to be 18 to be legal and I am 21.
CI: Hey, Trish/Fish, that rhymes, Cool!
CI: I know, right? Super Coolio.
TP: I can't remember. Are you a porn star or a stripper by trade?
CI: No, I'm not a porn star or stripper. I'm really a computer programmer. But I work in my house so no one ever sees me. This is sort of my coming out party. Parteh!
TP: I saw you on America's Got Talent with Howard Stern. How did that go for you?
CI: Actually, I talk really fast, so I pretend to be a rapper. I needed a talent, so I went with that. But I rap so fast even the rappers can't understand me. I am a hybrid rapper. Grandmaster Barbie.
TP: Okay, now some hard hitting questions?
CI: Great! Woohoo! I love to take it hard. Like...really hard. Shoot.
TP: The attire you are wearing on the You Tube video, what is that about?
CI: Well, I am wearing clothes, not a tire, so I don't really know what you mean by that. Are you trying to confuse me?
TP: You certainly command a lot of respect when you start off with an image of Peg Bundy with blond hair. What is with the crazy outfit and the huge fake tits?
CI: Peg Bundy, wasn't she some kind of serial killer? I thought my outfit was something that would grab the attention and get me taken seriously. It seems to have worked, don't you think?
TP: You bill yourself as a Conservative Republican is that right?
CI: Um, Fuck Ya I do.
TP: Can you spell Republican?
CI: Um...R E P U B L I C K E N, see, told ya not to mess with me.
TP: How about Dog?
CI: What kind of question is that? Are you mocking me? D A W G. See, don't try and trick me.
TP: No, not at all. I know a lot of Conservative Republicans who flash their tits like a dime store hooker. I remember that from the mantra.
CI: See, told ya.
TP: You claim to be part of the new wave of Young Americans, is that true?
CI: Yes, absolutely. We are the future. We have to..like..um..get out and vote. Woohoo. Yay!
TP: Isn't that David Bowie's gig?
CI: I don't know him. Is he running as well? Is he hot?
TP: So, I mean Um So, you are supporting Romney/Ryan in the election. For those who missed it, what are your reasons behind that decision.
TP: Well, first off, it wasn't so much a decision as a whim. I don't really make decisions. Um, like my head really hurts and sometimes my boobs when I do that. Anyhoo, I am supporting Romney. Because, Um..so...Like here is the thing. He is hot. No, sorry..he is super hot. that is the main reason. I am not really voting for Ryan, because he is not really that hot. But they say you have to vote for both, so Um, Yah, I am voting for them..I mean him..Um...them.
CI: Did you watch the debate last week with Obama and Romney? If so, Um So, what did you think of it?
TP: Um, I don't watch the debates. I have twitter.
CI: Okay, but from what you have heard, any thoughts on the topics discussed in that debate? The economy? Health care? Social Security?
TP: There was something about Big Bird. I like Big Bird. He taught me all I needed to know about English before I dropped out in grade 7.
CI: Even though you were of age for the last election you didn't vote, why was that?
TP: I didn't really have strong feelings for either party in the last election. By that I mean...neither guy was hot.
CI: So you are more focused and excited in 2012?
TP: We haven't really had a hot president..since like Kennedy...and he got shot...so he wasn't very hot anymore.
CI: If you had one wish for mankind, what would it be?
TP: Shit...I am getting bored. What were we talking about anyway?
CI: Making a better life for Americans and mankind. Any thoughts on that?
TP: Um...sorry about that. My bestie just texted me some hot pics of Ronald Reagan. Lost my focus for a second there.
Um..where was I? Oh yeah...I fully support Bruce Jenner in this election. because you know..he is Kim K's stepdad..and he is hot. Okay, he isn't hot anymore..but he was like on a cereal box when my dad was growing up. And he like defended OJ once in court.
CI: Wasn't that some other guy?
TP: Um yeah...so I like..have to get my hair done. Is this almost over?
CI: They call him "Mitt" but that isn't his given name. Any thoughts on that?
TP: We actually call him Mittens..but we should call him Buttons because he is cute as a button. Mitt for short..Butt for short...oops..that doesn't sound as good. Sorrrreeee.
CI: Any other thoughts on that?
TP: Mitt rhymes with Tit...but I have two...okay..I don't really have two..they aren't real..never mind.
CI: Some have said that Romney and Ryan, although they are Conservative Republicans don't like women. What are your thoughts on that?
TP: Conservative repubs don't like women?...Um..ya they do..they are married to them. So, like, Um, I say to those who say they don't like women...Um..Whatever!
CI: Other than his looks, what are your thoughts about Romney's running mate?
TP: Its Ryan something..but I can't remember. He isn't as hot..so I don't really pay much attention to him.
CI: What are your thoughts on Ann Romney?
TP: Well, she is like, you know, really old, so I'm thinking I can have Mitt if she dies. He is sooo hot. And I am sooo hot...so really..umm...we should be together.
CI: You aren't a porn star or stripper, but didn't I see you once in a Girls Gone Wild video?
TP: Yeah, that was me. But I am now a Conservative, so I don't do that sort of stuff anymore. Unless you pay me lots of money. Then I will do it again. Just sayin.
CI: So, Um, what do you do these days to make a living?
TP: I am an aspiring entrepreneur...girl.. An entrepregirl.
CI: In real terms, what does that mean?
TP: It means I work at The Gap fluffing and folding. Ok..I just work at the gap ..but that counts..right?
CI: Sure it does. Every one has dreams.
TP: Yay!
CI: On election day, what are your plans?
TP:Well, I intend to make sure I vote.
CI: But you know there is a huge sale at Abercrombie and Fitch that day, right?
TP: Really?
CI: Totally.
TP: Well, then I guess I won't have time to vote.
CI: This is all tongue in cheek,right? You aren't actually on the level..right?
TP: Um...so like I don't know what you mean..but I dont put my tongue in my cheek when I do that. What kind of kinky freak are you anyway?
CI: This is all an act..right..you are actually a hologram that doesn't really exist, right?
TP: Of course. I can't believe the amount of peeps that actually think I am real. They complain that I shouldn't be allowed to vote. Maybe they should look in the mirror. They bought my act. What does that say about them?
CI: You have two thumbs up. Like most primates. Are you really a primate? Has opposing thumbs helped you in any way in your porn career? Wait a minute, don't answer that.
TP: What is a primate? Is that what they have to determine who runs for President?
CI: Thanks for your time.
TP: My pleasure. It was fun. Yay!
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