1. Some people should not wear a bikini or Speedo. Just sayin.
2. There are at least 10% of the people on any cruise that you would just love to throw overboard.
3. 10 bucks for a Sex On The Beach? That better be one fucking awesome blowjob.
4. If you go on a cruise and you spend every night playing bingo, you might as well go directly to the retirement home when we dock.
5. After 3 cruises, I can now confirm that there is very little chance that I am going to find Julie my cruise director. So much for that teenage fantasy.
6. No, mister maitre D. I don't want any more baked potatoes. 6 nights in a row is plenty, thanks.
7. Note to absentee parents on this cruise: If you leave your whiny, noisy, idiot 5 year old unattended in my area of the dock one more time your kid is going to drown in some freak "holding his head under water" accident.
8. The piano bar songs get really old on Day 3 of the cruise. I already knew all the words to Bye Bye Miss American Pie anyway. Play something else.
9. Paying your staff almost nothing on the whole ship so that they have to pester you to buy overpriced drinks..and then charging me an extra 80 bucks a head for "gratuities" is just ripping me off and not telling me what the real cost of the cruise is. It is bad business and will come back to haunt you one day.
10. The stageshows are the best part of the cruises. They may it worth it just for those alone. Good on them for keeping that standard very high.