Dear slaves and users who we own:
In response to the new Facebook guidelines that you have declared useless status posts against, we shall remind you that we own you. Anything you do. We will sell your info, use your content, upsell the shit out of you. And to that, you will do nothing. Your copyright, the one you have never legally copyrighted, is worth about as much as the lame status posts you make that your friends go "ha ha" and "lol" to. Zero. Nothing. Bupkis.
As for the Berne convention, keep in mind we had our own convention and we decided only what we say matters. Go ahead and sue us if you feel the need. We are a collection of multi millionares who have high powered legal counsel charged with burying you and breaking you financially. And we will.
Things would be a lot easier, on you, and ourselves, if you would go back to being sheep, being pathetic, and just using our technology while we steal your info, sell it to big corps for a huge profit. Something you agreed to when you signed up for facebook but didn't read the agreement. That was something we were counting on. Thank you. You didn't disappoint us there.
For commercial use of your written material consent is never needed. As mentioned, you already gave that in the agreement you clicked yes to long ago. Sorry, again, we own you. Get used to it. In your rush to be popular, you probably should have paid better attention that day. We knew you wouldn't. So, you know, tough shit for you. Again, we own you now.
Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are encouraged to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If this makes you feel better, that is freaking great. We are glad that does that for you. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates. Even if you do publish a lame status, just remember:
We own you and anything you post. But we would never use your data, info, artwork or photos for any financial gain. Because of course we are not in it for the money.
May we close with a message from our spiritual and faithful leader.
"We never sell your information. Advertisers who are using the site never get access to your information."
You can trust us. We would never take advantage of you. But, we do own you.