Five stars- so good you would watch it instead of the best porn on the market
Four Stars- very good movie, well worth your time, but not a true classic
Three Stars- not a gem, but an okay movie. I don't recommend it but you can see it if you like and you probably won't want to hang yourself
Two Stars- Probably had one or two good gags or scenes. Maybe some gratuitous nudity, but otherwise flawed in every other way
One Star- The people involved should be tortured and forced to watch The Twilight series and Harry Potter Marathons until they can't take it, so they understand the pain they just put you through.