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Thursday, August 9, 2012

A conversation between Lolo Jones and Forrest Gump

Lolo Jones, on The Tonight Show

The following is an actual fake conversation between the fictional character known as Forrest Gump and the potentially fictional PR image known as Lolo Jones. Lolo Jones is a female, 30 year old Olympic hurdler who has never won a medal, and claims to be a virgin even though she is incredibly hot and sexy. She is also a twitter sensation.

FG: Hello, my name is Forrest, Forrest Gump, what's yours?
LJ: I am Lolo Jones.
FG: That is a nice name, Lolo
LJ: Thank you Forrest. Your name sounds stupid.
FG: Stupid is as stupid does. Sally Field always said that, when she wasn't crying at the Academy Awards.
LJ: Who is Sally Field, is she some kind of track and field star?
FG: No, she was my fake mother in a movie I was in.  You may not believe this, but I can run really fast. The writers made me that way in the movie so it would be more interesting.
LJ: Me too. I run very fast, and jump over hurdles.
FG: Are you fast enough to win a medal at the Olympics
LJ: No, I am just good enough to never be noticed.
FG: I also tried out for the Olympics. I play ping pong. But those Chinese boys were too good.
LJ: Did you win any medals at the Olympics?
FG: No, I'm just the local idiot, I never thought it would take me anywhere.
LJ: Oh, being an idiot can take you very far in America, trust me.
FG: I  am not a smart man, but I know what bullshit is.
LJ: You're the same as everybody else, I am a virgin too. In my case, I just can't get laid.
FG: Will you be my friend, my special friend Lolo Jones?
LJ: Have you ever been with a girl Forrest?
FG :I sat next to them in home economics class all the time.
LJ: I make a great apple pie. We can be great friends. But I don't kiss boys, it is bad for my PR image. I kissed a girl once, and I liked that. But that is very bad for my PR image.
FG: We can be like peas and carrots.
FG: I got to meet the President of The United States. How about you?
LJ: No, I didn't actually win anything. Being a twitter star doesn't get you to meet the president.
FG: What is twitter?
LJ: It is a social network site where people who aren't famous try to create buzz around them selves so they can become famous.
FG: That is crazy, are you crazy or something?
LJ: I am not crazy. Please don't call me crazy, that is very upsetting to me.
FG: Crazy is as crazy does.
LJ: I don't think I like you anymore Forrest Gump.
FG: Maybe you should tweet that to your fake friends that you will never ever meet.
LJ: For some reason, what I was doing seemed to make sense to some people.
FG: That was my line in the movie. 

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