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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Case of the delusional cyclist


Lance Armstrong is on Oprah on Thursday. Good for him. And her. I am sure all the people that never cared about sports or cycling and that barely know who he is anyway will be glued to the almost completely staged interview where Oprah knows exactly what was going to happen before they even start.


As for Lance Armstrong? Sorry, way too late buddy. Yes, you cheated. You are going to finally admit to that. Good for you. Too bad it is about 10 years and 50 denials too late. In the real world, you can't start copping to the truth only when you have to so that you can save yourself. That is even worse than the lying. I don't think I can remember anyone more pathetic than Lance Armstrong. Except this guy.

  
 "I mean it. I am not being self serving. I mean it from my heart."

-Jimmy Swaggart

Dear Lance,

Have you heard of a guy named Perry Mason?
You can't apologize after you get caught, deny it many times over, be defiant, deny it again, swear you are clean, and then have to fess up because your lying doesn't work anymore.
We all know that just about every cyclist blood dopes or cheats in some way. No big surprise there. That isn't great, but you could get away with that. But it is your incessant lying that bugs us all. And how you traded off that to make a fortune and appear to be a good guy, a hero to youth. That, is not something you are going to be able to overcome. If Perry Mason put you on the stand, he would have you confessing in about 2 minutes. 
Not that any of us ever needed that. It was obvious you were cheating from day 1 and lying about it from the first time you were asked. Sure, you made piles of money in endorsements, and nobody can take that away from you. You gamed the system and won. That is because people wanted to believe. Now, they don't. They want to scapegoat you and you are an easy target. A target you put on your own forehead.
You may get to race your bike again. You may even be somewhat competitive, although I doubt that. Just like Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Roger Clemons and all the rest, you will never be viewed as legit, no matter what you got away with in the past. You cheated, you got caught, now you will admit it. Anything you have ever done is now tainted. There will be no more endorsements and the only reason people watch if you do race again is to watch you lose. That is the only satisfaction they will take. To root against you.
So go ahead and cry on Oprah's sofa. People will watch, because they love gossip and train wrecks. Oprah has made a career of milking that cow for all it's worth. But you are not redeemed. You never will be. You were never anything more than a cheat and a fraud anyway. That is your legacy, no matter what you say or do now. You cannot undue that, just as you could not fool a Perry Mason type on the stand.
 

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