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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

The Comic Inquirer: Monsanto sues The Hollies for patent infringement

News today from ag giant Monsanto that they have developed and patented a new drug. This new drug is a composition of the element Oxygen and a "secret, proprietary" element for which they cannot divulge. They call it AirUp.
In many ways, AirUp is similar to what we now call air, fresh air, but there is an additional molecule that we cannot see. Monsanto considers it "super air" and contends that it is superior to the regular air we breathe now. 
However, seeing as that they have patented this new form of air, anyone who is caught breathing it will have to pay a user fee or be subject to the full brunt of the immense Monsanto law juggernaut. The fact that it has mixed with previously known regular air is not something Monsanto is willing to consider. All air is now the sole possession of Monsanto.
In addition, in a shocking new development, Monsanto now claims the rights to anything to do with air. Monsanto has initiated a lawsuit against The Hollies. In a statement from PR person, Monsanto commented,



"We own the air. You cannot simply sing about breathing it and think that you are not infringing on our patent. We will do whatever we have to make sure we get paid for this. The group known as "The Hollies" did not receive consent to use our product in their song. Therefore, they will have to pay user fees or simply give us the song and all profits they have gathered over the years."
Apparently, all you need is not the air you breathe, now you also need Monsanto's permission to breathe it and write about it.

In a further statement to any and all people, just to clarify and avoid any future conflict and legal actions, Monsanto has issued this press release:


"Monsanto has now patented air. You will have to pay us royalties to breathe. Do not even think of breathing the air that Monsanto has created unless you have been licensed to do so."

In an update to the above story, Monsanto officials agreed to drop the lawsuit stating clearly, 

" People now cannot afford to breath the air. As all the defendants are likely to die, we feel there is no reason to pursue this matter any further."

Finally, the group Air Supply has been advised by their counsel to change their name to Monsanto-ish.
Faith Hill, Toni Braxton and Jordan Sparks have been put on notice. 

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