Wanted: Wordscraper players

When you play word games, there are times when you run out of players and games to play. So, you go searching for new opponents. When you do that, you see all sorts of strange things, requests and conditions if they are to accept playing you. Here are just a few, with a bit of comic enhancement...but not much.
The following is a sample of the types of requests you see by people who are looking for people to play them, under their rules.

Wanted: Wordscraper players

Here are my conditions:

Chatting- I don't chat. But please say Hi. Otherwise, that is just rude. As for sex chat, save the pervy innuendo. I am not looking for any flirty chat. So, if you are looking for hot chat, might I direct you to the porn sites? I would just like to play a freaking word game. You WILL NOT be getting any naked pics of me.

Pace of the game- You must play in one sitting. If you are going to take all day, or play once a week, don't play me. However, I will play when I can. Stop trying to dominate my time. You are pathetic when you are like that. I have a life and a job and make take a week to finish the game. But right now, you must play fast, or I delete.

Style of play: No stacking. I hate stackers. I know it is part of the game. But I don't like it. So don't do it. I make the rules, not you or the inventors of the game. If you don't like that, bite me. And I will call you a cheater for doing it, even though it isn't cheating, because it makes me feel better about myself and my anger issues.

Ratings: Stats are unimportant. It's only a game, right? Except if you are below my rating, because I don't want to waste my time with you, or way above my rating,  because you are a cheater. I know you are. I don't care what you say.  You can't beat me unless you are cheating. I am smart goddammit. That is why I beat you, but not why you beat me. And if you are thinking I have ego issues,  I don't. I just can't deal with losing. I am not lacking in confidence, I am just a sore loser. So...let's have fun and play!

Profile pic: Current pic required. You must have a profile pic. It can't be of a dog or cat, nor can it be your mom or your kid. I know that doesn't have anything to do with the game, but it matters to me anyway. Secretly, I want to fantasize about you in an inappropriate way and I can't do that unless you have a profile pic of yourself. The less clothing, the better. Just sayin.

How can I play you if I can't jerk off while doing so? Be reasonable. At least put up a fake one.

I won't play anyone with blond hair. Sorry, I just won't.

I wont play anyone from Arkansas, Texas, Upstate New York and the Panhandle. Bad experiences. Don't ask.

I only play men. I mean it. Don't ask why. I just do. 

You are not allowed to use a Word Generator. I will delete the game if I think you are. Even if you aren't, if I suspect you are much better than me, I will claim you are and delete the game. So, in essence, don't play me if you think you can beat me.