Why I started writing blogs again.

Weathered faces lined in pain

Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

Now, I understand, what you tried to say to me

In writing the above song and why he decided to do it, and what he was aiming to do.

I wrote a song to.....try to grab hold of what I perceived as his essense, as a human being. As an artist, art is his essense. Thats him. It is him. Thats me. I dont make music. I am music. He is his art. So much of his life is about feeling, Sensation. Pain. Pain is a very important part of art. You know, people are on drugs today...they dont feel anything. They cant be artists. You have got to suffer. You got to suffer and you have to separate yourself from the rest of people too. You cant be a social guy, you know. Going around, being one of the regular guys. Cause you are not regular. In a sense we are missionaries. We go out into the world, with our music and our ideas. Artists are missionaries in a sense. They are on a mission to change the world a little bit.  

Why did I start writing blogs again?

The reason I decided to write this particular blog, at this time and place, is that this is a question I ask myself. I sort of knew the answer, but I remembered watching a clip a couple of months ago and the words that Don McLean used to describe why you do it, and why you simply dont have a choice but to do it. 

Why did I start writing blogs again? I ask myself that question. For sure, the way I do it, it is very time consuming, hard work and the reality is that I dont really have many readers at all, although I do get a few reads. Even if I got none though, which might eventually be the case, I feel its something I need to do. It gives me something I need for my own well being and sanity. 

Definitely, its not about the money, or the glory, or gratification I can get from others. Nobody will ever pay me for my blog content. Even if there was such a person or entity, I dont want that. I have money and I can earn money in other ways. I want to be free to write what I want, with no higher power editor telling me I cannot say this or that. There is no glory in writing blogs or anything else, at least for me, other than the personal satisfaction I get from just doing it. Don McLeans words I think explains why I have to write my ideas, thoughts and feelings. Its not really a choice I have either way. I feel like its sort of a sanity saver, even though the topic of that song, Vincent, Van Gogh, wasnt saved by it but eventually it wore him down and he took his own life. In many ways, I feel like a missionary. I am on a mission to express my ideas, suffer in the process, and hopefully save myself and others in the process. Or, to a much lesser and likely degree, help myself and some others.

Since I've been off social media for a couple of years, and my friend base has dwindled, I dont really have anybody left now to banter the topics that circle through my active brain much anymore. So, I needed an outlet. Blogging is one way I can do that. Certainly, as time passed, I realized social media was not the place for me, and McLean expressed it well. I am not really a social guy. I am more solitary than anything else, although I do enjoy people, more one on one than in a crowd setting. The easiest way to get more reads, and reach more people would be to go back to social media, because above all, that is where the numbers are. But, I cant do that. Wont do that, so again, I write for myself, and anybody else who happens to stumble upon my writing. Every now and then I get messages from people I dont know at all about something they read in my blog. You just never know who you will reach while you are on your artistic mission. 

So, why not just write them, leave them, and not put them out there?

If I dont end up publishing them, I know for a fact I will not finish most of the ones I have started, and in many cases, the ones I do, I wont do them right, to the level I want and need to. Because of that, I wont grow as a person. Thats because when I write them, I am writing for myself, to myself, and I read them back when they are done like someone else wrote them and they are speaking to me. Anyone who writes with real intention and sincerity understands exactly what I just conveyed. So, if 2 people, 20 people, 200 people or 2 million people read it, it makes no difference to me. I read it, and that is all that matters. What matters most anyway. But they have to be finished and they have to be done a certain way to make it worth it to me to continue on a consistent basis. 

I have a voice. I have a perspective that many do not. Its a natural given gift. I've been told that by several people over the course of my life. I guess at this point I feel I am compelled to share my thoughts based on the gift I was given. As well, as mentioned above, it also helps me sort things out for myself and my own life. Both of those concepts drive me to keep writing, mostly to nobody but myself, which I am fine with. Its great if it helps others, or makes them think about how they can help themselves, but even if it does none of that, its worthy because it helps me as a release and also to use my creative gifts to help myself. 

One of the things Ive gravitated towards in the last few weeks is working on being healthy. Healthier. That means setting time aside, every day, or most days, to do healthy things. Not just physical health, but mental, financial, spiritual and creative healthiness, all of which is important to me. 

The reality of that way of thinking and living is that I make a commitment to take time away from the other things I do, which are very time consuming, and put that time towards the healthier things I also need to do. That is definitely a shift for me, as mostly, I do all the things I feel I need to do to complete specific tasks, and then whatever time is left over I use for the other things. And if that meant not getting to those things, say like not going for walks for 6 or 8 weeks because I was too busy, or not eating right, or not writing blogs or stories for almost 2 years, that is what I did and I was okay with it. 

In doing that, I have been on an unhealthy path for a long time, and now it is time to get back on track. Writing the blogs is a very important piece of that puzzle. Writing songs and stories is another and that will come next. It wont be like starting from scratch, because much like the blogs, I have hundreds of songs and stories started which deserve my attention to work on and finish. Many are 80 percent done, but that last 20 percent must be done or they are simply worthless, though almost finished. 

That is why I started to write again. All of the reasons in this blog. Creating is me. I am a creator, and I cant not create without hurting my essence. 

Perhaps, whomever is reading this at whatever point you do read it, you will get back to doing the things that feed the essence inside you that possibly you have been neglecting. 

Just something to thing about. I did, and now, I write. And I am a much happier and contented person because of that. I am feeing my essence, and it was very hungry at the point I began to do that again.