Some Things You Just Know. Or I do Anyway

Life can be funny for me. I will explain.

There is so much I dont know. Dont understand. Never have and possibly never will. As I grow older, I accept that. That was always hard for me. I try to figure out and understand everything, sometimes, many times, to my overall beneift. Some times, a lot of times, to my detriment. In many ways, I have given up on that strategy or way of doing things. I try to figure out what I can, and I leave alone what I just know I cant or wont understand.

In doing that, I leave more time for the things I can understand. The things I can learn. The things I might figure out to make my life, and possibly the lives of others better. I view it as personal progress.

I still do have that natural internal instinct to trust myself to do what I think is right. That has served me well almost all my life, with a few regrettable exceptions. We all make mistakes, and I accept that too. So, I dont beat myself up over those types of things anymore, not like I used to. I focus on the positive aspect of having natural good instincts and follow them as best I can.

One of those instincts is some things I just know. I know that if I do the right thing, trust that I am doing the right thing, it will somehow resolve itself and work out for the better.

For that reason, I just know that when something isnt finished, didnt finish properly, and should be resolved and possibly patched up on some level, that I will just wait until that moment happens and then trust that it will do just that. Ive only ever had one time it didnt, and in hindsight, that was because I listened to others and didnt follow my natural internal instinct, or my inner voice. Once I did that, there was really no way it could ever be resolved, and to this day is not, and almost certainly never will be. I learned a valuable lesson from that experience. Stick to what works for you, and if listening to your own voice works for you, then stick with that.

Tonight after the races and my data work, I did what I normally do. I listened to music on You Tube, and as always, it led me to some songs that get in my head. Then an interview and what the writer said about the song they wrote. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTzbff0dvFA&t=1085s

Here is what Gordon Lightfoot said about If You Could Read My Mind.

"Basically, the marriage wasnt over yet, but it was 2 or 3 years off, and I realized that when I wrote that song."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5tr_L31StI

In the song, he goes over many thoughts and feelings, but the key one for me is this.

I dont know where we went wrong

But the feelings gone and I just cant get it back.

The truth is, at least as I see it, is that nobody can ever read anyones mind. Truly. That is why, in the song, he says if you could read my mind. You cant. Nobody can. We can just infer, ponder, guess and speculate as to why people do the things they do based on what we think they are thinking.

If I could read your mind love, what a tale your thoughts could tell.

Again, the truth is, I cant read your mind, and you cant read mine. That is universal and a truth I believe. Also a good thing in my view. But of course a bad thing in that there will be loads of miscommunication and interpretation because of the uncertainty that causes.

So, again, what do I know?

I know somehow, things will get talked out. When the time is right to do that. To finish it if that is the destiny it is on, or to turn it back around if that is the destiny and path it should take. Trying to read anothers mind on why they are doing what they are doing is a fools game and not something I try to do anymore. I just wait for the time when it can be talked through. That requires patience, and that is something I have a lot of. And trust, which is also something I have enough of to make the waiting tolerable. 

Tom Petty said the waiting is the hardest part. Sure, it is. No doubt. But things that are hard are always the most valuable to have when you get them. 

Is the feeling gone? Can you get it back? I dont know the answer to those questions. I know that you can try though. Not every situation is as the one Lightfoot describes in the song where he knew 2 or 3 years ahead of time his marriage was over and there was nothing that could be done about that. I dont believe in absolutes like that anymore, although I once did and was very unforgiving in terms of believing you could save relationships like that. 

Part of that is figuring out where we or you or I go wrong in some situation or relationship and then figuring out what to do about that. Trying to read minds to figure that out is pointless and solves nothing. Its a great song with deep meaning, but it also points out, in my view, that reading minds solves nothing. Talking might solve it, or resolve it. It also might not solve it or resolve it. One thing for sure. Drawing conclusions based on something you think you understand by reading someone elses mind or between the lines solves nothing. That is something I do know. 

I will end with one of my favorite passages, which is a long one from the ending scene of the Wonder Years. In a roundabout way, it summarizes what I'm talking about in this blog. 

The next day, Winnie and I came home; back to where we'd started. It was the fourth of July in that little suburban town. Somehow, though, things were different. Our past was here, but our future was somewhere else; and we both knew, sooner or later, we had to go

As for my father, well, we patched things up. Hey, we were family -- for better or worse, one for all, and all for one.

Like I said, things never turn out exactly the way you'd planned. Growing up happens in a heartbeat

The most important part of that is the way they end the scene, and in fact, the entire series. After all the trouble between Kevin and Winnie, they work it out and find a way to go forward. The last scene ends with Kevin and his father sitting at the table, after all the hardships they had been through in that last seasons episodes, and just finding a common ground to go forward, which ultimately was to respect their differences and just talk it out. Two years later as they relate, the father dies and if they had not patched things up, that is how it would have been left. Which would be a shame. Because that is no way to finish something that meant something like that. 
That is what I just know. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9M1aKaVice4&t=21s