The temptation to do the wrong thing is strong.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CycLt023ks

Yeaterday, I helped my friend Eric move. Well, not exactly Eric. This time I helped him help his son move into his first place on his own. Eric and I have been through a lot of moves together. It seems when he moves, I help. When I move, he helps. Its just been our thing since we both graduated University. My first place, my second place, my third place, my fourth place. Etc. His first place, his first house, out of that house, the new house, then his final new house with his new wife. We joked yesterday at the end that hopefully this is the last time until we are too old to do it ourselves anymore.

When we arrived yesterday, it was a very easy and simple move this time. Most have not been that way, they have been bulky, awkward and hard at times. This time, just a few easy items at his house, then over to his ex wifes house, pick up a few more items, mostly boxes and a stove, and then move them all into the new condo his son has purchased. 

The memories really began at his ex wifes house, which also used to be Eric's house before they broke up. That was also one of the moves I helped with, helping him move his stuff out when they broke up. That was, to be blunt, a very uncomfortable day. They were still very much mad at each other and his ex wife was extremely mad and difficult that day, something she apologized to me about in private later on that day. I do get that when you are in that state of mind, in that volotile situation, its hard to be nice, easy going and civil. Over time, it seems they have learned to get along and yesterday went pretty good as a result of that. You can still see how they dont generally get along as they are very different types and that poses problems. I like them both a lot and get along well with both. When they get in that mode, i just step back and let them blow off the steam until its done. Yesterday was no exception. 

When we arrived, I hadnt seen Margaret since the day I moved Eric out of their house, which must be more than 15 years now. She was still the same, and so am I, so we picked up right where we left off. I have fond memories of Margaret right back to the early days. Eric and Margaret met in University and so that is also when I met her. Later on, when they were married, and I was still single, there were times when we would all go out with Margaret and some of her friends or sisters. She has 3 other sisters who are all very much clones of her. It was always fun times.

The day I remember most was my mothers 50th birthday party. My mother loved Tom Jones. I mean loved him. We always listened to his songs growing up, and since I wanted to do something significant for my mother on that birthday, I bought tickets to a Tom Jones live show in our town. When I told Margaret that I was dong that, she said she and her sister Beth wanted to come too. So all four of us went to the show, which was great. My mother enjoyed it as well, and it was fun for her to go out with younger women like Margaret and her sister. Afterwards we went out to a late night rib joint and they danced all night until we went home. 

The first thing Margaret said to me yesterday was how she remembered me helping move her into her apartment in Guelph when she did her studies there after University. Eric and I helped her that day, and while Eric and Margaret werent married or living together at that stage, it wasnt far off. She asked me if I remembered helping them that day. I said I did, and mostly I remembered how hot it was that day and how we didnt get to use the elevator, so we had to carry everything up from the road three flights of stairs on a very hot summer day. What I didnt say is that I remembered more that other day when I moved Eric out of the house. I'm sure they both would like to forget that day, so I didnt even mention it.

As usual, the plan was for me to drive the truck and help here and there. As usual, it didnt play out that way. Why is that? Simply, because I am so organized and good at arranging things so they go well, it always ends up that I do that part. This time was no different. I told myself before hand not to do that this time, but as usual, the temptation is for me to just fix it and make it work. Eric struggles with that, as he isnt anywhere near as organized as I am nor can he figure out how to put together things as fast as I can. He has many other skills I do not, and that is just how it is with people. One of my weaknesses is not being able to resist temptation, even when I know ahead of time to do that, tell myself to do that, and intend to do that. At one point yesterday, when I could see we were running out of time and I needed to take charge, I basically told them what to do and then unloaded the entire truck so that we could get the move done in time, which we barely did. The fixer in me comes out in times like that. The temptation in me to just make it work is too strong. 

Later last night, when it was time to play the races, I played some races I know now I should avoid. Careful trial and error has showed me where to play and where to avoid, even if I think I know better. But, since I have that hard to resist the temptation thing hanging over my back, I did try a few that were okay plays but not good enough that I should just sit out. So, it ended up as you would expect, as I expect, and it was a good lesson that I needed hammered home one last time. I didnt beat myself up over it like I once would, just took the night as a lesson and woke up today with new resolve to resist the temptation to solve and fix every puzzle because I am good at solving puzzles. Good at solving puzzles doesnt mean you can solve every puzzle, nor should you. When you are a fixer though, you will have to resist the temptation to do just that. I wouldnt call it an addiction, but it has similarities. Like a drug or alcohol or gambling addict, if you are an addict, you are never cured. You just find coping mechanisms and ways to try and avoid the pitfalls of falling back into trouble because of how you are. Its just like that.

Ive been very busy the last couple of years, with all the things I like to do. The racing, the betting, the landscaping, the gardening, countless other things. Somehow I missed that Lari White had passed away in 2018. That is a sad thing. I usually dont let celebrity deaths effect me on any level. After all, I dont really know these people or have any stake in their lives. I enjoy their art, I appreciate their talent, but other than that, i leave it there.

With her, its different. There is just something about her that always interested me, and that goes back to when I first encountered her work in the early 90s. She just has a way with songs and how she presents them. And many of them are very thought provoking, although the lyrics are somewhat simple and short. Two of those songs have resurfaced in my life lately, and they lead me into the topic on my mind today. I actually started this blog with Lari White in mind and then added the part with the move with Eric yesterday as it seemed to complete my thought better than it had without it. That is how it goes sometimes. Events complete ideas. 

The thing that struck me most was what Lari White's friends said about her in tribute to her in the video below. Its the song she is known most for, the song I loved best from her, and a song that endures. It also introduced me to some new artists I'd never heard of, and so I looked them up. It also had Dan Dugmore in it, who I remembered from the 70s concert videos I sometimes watch from Linda Rondstadt. If you wish you can listen to the song and the comments from them. 

The thing that got my attention is how they all pointed out what a great person she was, and how she helped newcomers to town out. Also, how kind and welcoming she was, and how she had great ideas about how to present and craft a song, even being forceful if she had to to get her point across. No matter what though, the common theme was everyone just loved her. She had that vibe. That is what I picked up from watching her sing and perform. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TT24SKfeSo

If you watched the video above, you can see how much it meant to pay tribute to her with this song. They really felt it and felt her loss. In short, they loved her. 

What does it mean to truly love someone?

Love and expressing it have never been my thing. I understood that early about myself. I'm smart, creative, a great friend, reliable, sensible and I try to do the right thing and be as moral as possible. But love just didnt seem to be a priority to me. Meeting certain people in my life as I've aged has changed that and made me think about the whole love thing topic. Certainly watching my mother die had some impetus on that. When someone who created you is there and then is not there and you can see that whole process play out in a not so pleasant way, it makes you think about these types of things. I hadnt put that sort of connection together until lately. 

My mother was very much about love, and a very sensitive person. There are certainly elements of that within me that she transmitted in creating me. I like to think in some ways she is still with me and guiding me on that front.

For me, true love means putting that person and their interests completely above your own.

Even if that means you really want and need them, miss them, but know that the hurt that would end up creating for them is more important than the hurt you feel by doing what you have to do in the name of love and respect. In my case, not being a fixer to make myself happy. That is very tempting though. 

I can be selfish at times, just like anybody else, but ive always put others well being ahead of my own. Or I try to. As Lari White says in the song near the end, I mean to be good.

And I always will.

That is how I show love.

When you know that someone will be happier without you, even when they didnt believe that or know that yet, you have to let go when the temptaion is to hold on. Im a fixer. I love to make things work. Ive had to learn to not try to fix things that shouldnt be fixed. Some things need to break and stay broken and you move on from it because fixing it isnt the right thing to do. Thats a tough life lesson to learn when you are a master fixer and that has seemingly served you well over time. Maybe it hasnt served me well, I just think it has because i looked at it from a certain personal perspective. Perhaps I would have been better off not being a fixer. I dont know. Today is a new day. Tomorrow is the future, and that is all you can work with. So, I am careful not fix things now when I sense that isnt the best option, even though its some kind of viable and tempting option. 

Fixing a move when it needed to be fixed to get it done is a good use of my skill in that space in time. That is probably why I will always not resist the temptation to do that. Trying to solve races I shouldnt, or trying to fix relationships that I should just not fix is the temptation I should avoid.

In the song above, the key point I always take, although I love the entire lyric, is this

I've been good at holding on, now I'm learning to let go

Part of being a fixer, and the temptation to do that, is keeping things from breaking and staying broken. Or holding on to the parts that arent broken when the vast majority is broken and should stay broken. Not in every case, but in some cases. Just as many horse races I can solve, but some I cannot and should not. Understanding the distinction of all that and the time and place variable is very important to someone like me, being somewhat a temptation addict, for lack of a better term. Maybe a fixer addict is a more accurate term. I'm not really sure, but I think my idea is clearer in adding my story about helping move Eric yesterday. When to do it, when to not do it.

Lari White's other great song, in my eyes, the one that sold me on her back in the day, was this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTUtUQ7li8M

Lead me not, into temptation, I already know, the road all too well.

At the end of the day, what I've had to learn, probably the hard way, is that I'm doing alright letting go and not trying to fix everything that comes across my path. The temptation to be a fixer because I am good at it and others ask for it didn't do me any good in many instances or those people in some instances. In some it did, and there is still a place for it in certain circumstances. But not because it satisfies some need or temptation within myself. That is selfish and not a good reason to do it, although extremely tempting. Being the good person that Lari White's friends describe her as means you think of others first and not yourself first. That is what I view as the greatest way to show love. Sacrifice and unselfishness.

At the end of the day, I've learned to let go of the need to fix things because it gives me something that I really don't need. I will be alright if I don't, and so will most others. In cases where it is needed, then I will still do it. Not because of temptation or placation, but because its the right thing to do.

Most times though, giving into the temptation, is the wrong thing to do. That is the nature of being tempted. Its a test to discover within your flaws and try to conquer them, make yourself a better and happier person, while still doing the things you do well for yourself and others.

Oh, the best of intentions. Lord I mean to be good. And stick to the path I should go. But seems the harder I try, The further I stray, Till I'm lost down that same dead end road.

Now I know. 

Lead me not, into temptation. I can find it, all by myself. 

Lari White's death at a young age while still very vibrant was a sad day I missed back then, but I took notice because she spoke to me through her songs and still does when I ponder the ideas and emotions of those songs. She wont be forgotten, as she is unforgetable. 

The temptation to do the wrong thing is strong. Will always be strong. But now I know I will be alright not giving into the temptation. I don't need to be led to it, it comes to me and its on me to do what is the right thing to do at that point in time.

There is a vast difference between helping people who need and ask for help, and fixing things that don't need to be fixed. Another life lesson learned.